My Dreams and Visions

Dreams and Visions

Forgiveness Part IV

I had a dream 06/18/2014 and in this dream I had killed someone by stabbing them to death. Believe me, this is so out of character for me I could not even fathom doing such a thing in real life. Nevertheless in this dream that is exactly what I had done. I had this dream twice and am not sure whether or not it was shown to me twice in the same night or on different nights. As I said in the dream I had killed someone and tried hiding the body under a roll away bed that I used to sleep on when I lived at home with my parents, in fact, it was at my parents home that this happened in the dream. I remember doing all that I could to conceal the body being that if someone had found the body, my life would be over and my career would be ruined. I was extremely upset, more than I ever remember being in a dream, about the fact that I had actually killed someone. I just could not believe that I had actually killed someone. I remember checking on the roll away sofa where I had hidden the body just to make sure that it was still there , terrified that the body would be discovered.  Again, this is so out of character for me it is unbelievable. As I said before I was more upset than I can ever remember being in a dream. I could not bring myself to believe that I had actually killed someone and I remember asking the Lord to show me who it was that I had murdered and then I was even more shocked to see that the individual that I had murdered was myself. I remember not even being able to look at my face I had so much hatred.  Hatred for another person is described as murder in the Bible and self-hatred is self murder. So I had essentially murdered someone made in the image of God.

I said this in a previous posting that it is a fallacy that time heals all wounds. It merely covers them and puts them out of view but they are still very much there. In this case, it was my childhood that came into play. I was a victim of bullying almost all of my grade school years. I was called names, picked on, etc. by both classmates and teachers. It is very painful reliving some childhood memories but I am walking through them now with the Lord and it is the process to being healed.

One may never think that this can take root in an individual but, take it from me, it does. I developed a hatred for myself over a number of years culminating in the murder of myself by myself that I saw in my dreams. Being that it happened at my parents house, a place where I haven’t lived for many many years, tells me that I have been “dead” for a long time.  I believe that this is another piece of the puzzle that the Lord is putting together in restoring me to a whole person.

Forgiving others is sometimes a difficult thing to do, however, when it comes to forgiving yourself  it seems downright impossible to do. And so I have another piece of the puzzle that the Lord is completing in my life.

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12 thoughts on “Forgiveness Part IV

  1. Interesting dream Tony ~ so many years ago I had a similar dream. It seemed so real, so heinous, and I had to convince myself it never happened. It was a very frightening experience. I still remember its chill. I never was as clear on that dream as you are~ I just “chalked” it up to too much bad TV ~ stopped watching.
    I do believe that God speaks to us in our dreams and he has biblically demonstrated that fact. It a blessing when you have such clarity. Job 33:14-18
    As for self forgiveness ~ not sure why that is more difficult for some than others. It is crucial to our healing and I do know God can help ~ if we ask. Sometimes I think about this and just laugh at this irony. I can believe that Jesus has forgiven my sins, I can forgive others ~ but have found this forgiveness to be hardest for myself. But I have also learned through God’s grace that anytime the word “self” is attached ~ red flag !
    I know in the renewing of our minds and learning how to diffuse Satan’s strongholds it becomes more fluid. Satan is a liar and a thief, and wants to rob us of all God’s good gifts. He is the Prince of deceit. His deception is the lies he has so desperately tried to convince us of which have been reflected through our mind and emotions. In believing these untruths He robs us.
    But, in Christ ~ who is our Truth ~ He has overcome Satan. We are released from Satan’s stronghold of lies. We can forgive ourselves and be healed~ Galatians 2:20
    Amen :Y

    • Do you remember the dream? Maybe it wasn’t just a scary TV show, it could be the Lord speaking to you in your dreams. Do you feel comfortable sharing it?

      • Perhaps ~ so many years ago, and have forgotten many details ~ mainly remember the “chill” of the dream ~

      • If you have dreams, you should keep a journal by your bed side. I do not post all of my dreams here on my blog but I do journal all of them

  2. Levi on said:

    Since the age of 6 I was molested until I turned 16. It was almost daily. I did horrible things after that. The Lord rescued me and I was able to forgive the person who did that to me but when I remember my deeds against others, they still bring shivers down my spine. I am 40 now. I know the Lord has forgiven and healed me but I do not know if the scars have compeltely gone. Why do they suddenly pop up into my mind out of nowhere?

    I grew up being hated by the people around me for no reason. Though they and I, both knew that it was not my fault, I went on to ask forgiveness but my asking was rudely turned down. Some suspected that I was asking forgiveness just to plan ‘yet another game’ against them. Basically, I found out that they hated me being around them. They hated even the mention of my name in their family. I do not know why. I do not hate them though because I know it is unnecessary.

    I only pray that the Lord heal them, comfort them and give them peace. This disease of their hatred has grown so bad that it has infected my own family. They do not even like me asking for forgiveness. The Lord is witness, as I write these things, that I know I am innocent.

    • If things or thoughts pop up then I would say that you have healing that needs to still be accomplished in your life. In my life I have to keep my heart before the Lord on a daily basis so that it does not ge hardened. Forgiveness is a hard thing sometimes. I can’t imagine what you went through and I am amazed that you are willing to forgive such a great wounding. Keep your heart before the Lord and keep choosing to forgive

      • Nithya on said:

        I accept forgiveness is very hard especially if it deals with yourself or your relatives.And the Lord does show dreams to make us realise this.Like I had trouble with my husband and recently I had a revelation on soul ties and how it is Satan’s way to deceive us.That we should not entice our partners for personal gains(even it may seem very normal) and achieve this by keeping God above everything.I had a dream in the day after this that I killed a big snake with one strike in our backyard and how my husband was explaining to his parents about it and appreciating.Hallelujah to the Most High.

      • My daughter had a dream about killing a snake that was coming after me. I never saw the snake.

  3. Nithya on said:

    Just wanted to say some more on this.Remember to ask God in which way you have been deceived.Once this is revealed,it will be easy to forgive our brethren.Remember Jesus forgave even satan because he alone knew satan was the fallen Angel foolishly loosing his glory after revolting upon the Most High.And we,being ignorant, keep falling for satan’s lollipop tactics.So ask God knowledge and thus we can win over.Thankyou.

    • The dreams I had about forgiveness were more of a revelation of things hidden by time. Although one could argue the point that prior to the dreams I was deceived.

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